


Snape's Sexual Frogstrations

by wooden_duck



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Typos, Weirdness, this starts out almost normal but it does take a swift turn towards the end so be ready for that, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:02:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24530479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wooden_duck/pseuds/wooden_duck
Summary: Snape is tired of it all, always being given impossible tasks. He goes down to the lake one night to take some time for himself when he meets a new friend.
Relationships: Kermit the Frog/Severus Snape
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Snape's Sexual Frogstrations

**Author's Note:**

> listen, this is so weird and bad lmao. im just bored and theres no snermit fics out there u know gotta break into this new niche. This does start out almost normal but it takes a swift turn for the weird like half way through so be ready for that. xoxo happy reading.

“Severus…” the high-pitched voice called to him from the next room of the manor. What impossible task was he going to be set with now, he wondered.

“Do excuse me Bellatrix, the Dark Lord calls,” Snape said interrupting Bellatrix mid-sentence, not that he was listening to her of course. She was pompous and overconfident, traits he knew would be her downfall in the end. Without even looking at her, he stood up from his chair at the table in the dining room and left towards the drawing room of Malfoy Manor. Sweeping down the hallway he passed open doors full of people in dark robes murmuring, laughing, screaming, it was not his concern. He had one job and one job only, keep the Dark Lord’s trust, and report Death Eater plans to Dumbledore, whatever the cost.

He entered a grand room with a large ornate chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the light from the candles danced on the walls reflected and refracted every way from the crystals that hung around them. “My Lord,” Snape said in a smooth tone, “you are in need of my service?”

“Yes… Yes..” The Dark lord responded softly, as Snape forced himself to look into his cold cruel eyes. “I have a task of utmost importance for you, and for you alone. For only my most loyal…” The Dark Lord paused for a moment, remembering how Severus had, and continues to be the only one of his servants willing to satisfy his deepest and most carnal of needs. He blinked and looked Snape in the eyes knowing full well he was remembering too those nights they spent together taming his snake. “… and most… capable of servants may be trusted with such a task.”

“My Lord, it is an honour to devote my body and mind to you, and to exact your will.”

“Severus, as you know I have tasked the youngest Malfoy with killing that old fool Dumbledore. We both know that insolent little thing is not capable of such a task, rather it is to punish Luscious and Narcissa for their disloyalty. When the boy fails, you must be the one to kill him.”

Snape’s eyes widened for just a split second before he masked his surprise. “My lord, surely you don’t expect me to be able to exact such an act. Dumbledore may be an old fool, but there is no denying that he is also a very powerful and capable wizard. Second only to you of course.”

The Dark Lord’s nostrils flared as he responded, “Severus, you give the old man too much credit. He is a fool indeed, on this we agree, and we can use this to our advantage. He trusts you Severus, this penchant for love and second chances is his weakness, and I know you will find a way to utilise it to exact my goals.” The Dark Lord turned his back on Snape and looked into the flames crackling in the fireplace. “Go now, I will know when the deed is done.”

* * *

With a small pop Dumbledore appeared in his office where Snape was waiting anxiously. The owl he had received only minutes ago said that Dumbledore was gravely injured and nothing more. “Severus, good, you received my owl. I trust that you are well this evening?” Dumbledore said lightly with a small smile.

“Dumbledore? Are you mad? What on earth is going on? Does this have to do with the… with the horcruxes?” Snape furiously demanded.

After some maddingly slow explanation from Dumbledore, Snape sprang into action. “You know there is no curing a cure this powerful. I can isolate it to your hand, but it will eventually spread. This will be the death of you Albus.” Snape looked up at Dumbledore who like always was gazing right through him.

“I think… not Severus. There is something that you are not telling me.” Snape looked at him confused and he continued. “You are not my only source close to Voldemort. I have heard that you have been tasked with my murder. Quite a high honour.” Dumbledore smirked. “I have appreciated your services these many years Severus, you have a good heart. But I fear, you must do it. Your position is too valuable to The Order and I am already a marked man,” Dumbledore said raising his now blacked hand. “Now how about one last favour…” Dumbledore looked pleadingly at Snape again raising his blackened wand hand.

Finally cracking a smirk Snape responded, “Yes, very well, very well,” As Dumbledore prepared his elder wand for polishing.

* * *

A great crash and a tinkle of breaking class brought Snape back to his senses. He stood up straighter and looked around at his now destroyed office. Cauldrons lay on their sides, glass scattered everywhere, and pools of slimy pickled tadpoles were creeping across the floor. With a sigh and a wave of his wand everything was repaired and soared back to their places.

“FUCK!” His scream echoed across the dungeon’s sone walls. “Why,” he said to himself, “do these tasks always need to fall to me?” He was talking himself back to anger. Thinking to himself he needed to calm down before that imbecile Flitch appeared, he decided to go for a walk down to the lake to calm down.

He grabbed his wand and made his way out to the double doors of the entrance hall. The was hot and wet with summer humidity and the moon was reflecting off the lake in the distance. Always servicing wizards greater than him, the bank by the lake was where he was able to service himself. Before long he was there, he threw his wand down at the base of a great oak tree and dropped down next to it. For a moment Snape just looked off onto the lake, trying to enjoy the stillness of the water, and the sound of the frogs croaking.

Starting unbuttoning a few of thousands of buttons on his coat he said, “Fuck it, evanesco,” while waving his wand. With the slightest woosh his clothes vanished and his pale fragile body was exposed to the hot night air. He looked down at himself, he could never manage to tan or build any muscle. The other boys used to make fun of him for it when he was a student here. Under this very tree that stupid twunk potter hung him upside down exposing him. Little did James know that was the beginning of his exhibition kink. Although, beginning to swell at the thought, he did know potter liked to watch him be exposed, remembering the bulge that would always grow in James’ robes when his cock and balls were flopping about for the entire courtyard to see.

Snape smiled to himself, sometimes he missed being young. He wiped his forehead and began to polish his wand using his own grease as lube as he reminisced over his past. Things were simpler then, no tricks, no murdering, no constant danger, just waiting in the bathroom nearest to potter and blacks classes so he could be at the urinal when they came in and well… Snape smiled again, standing up and walking towards the water, wand in hand. The frogs all went silent as he got closer, leaping off their lily pads and swimming away.

“Um, hello sir,” a deep soft voice spoke into the night. “I can't help but notice what you're doing here and I um,” the voice hesitated as some sort of felt abomination walked over to Snape from the waters edge. “I was hoping that you and I can be friends.”

Lighting the tip of his wand for a better look, Snape turned and found a felt frog looking up at him. With his wood still in his hand Snape had an idea. “Frog, you may of course be in the vicinity of your own lake.” Snape tensed his pelvic muscles making his staff jump.

“Well uh, my name is Kermit, Kermit the Frog sir.” The soft voice spoke.

“Very well, you may call me Snape,” he responded thinking of all the pickled tadpoles he had in his office. His own tadpole makers seemed to ache at the thought if them. He smirked “Kermit, frog, do you enjoy what you see here?” Snape looked at the frog and couldn’t help thinking of James again. Perhaps…

“Snape I must say… I am.” Kermit scrunched his face with longing, if he had an articulate tongue, he would be licking his lips. “Snape, its been so long since… I’ve made a rainbow connection…” He walked up to Snape and placed his warm velvety paw on Snape’s throbbing baby maker and looked up at him.

Before Kermit even had a chance to ask, Snape answered, “I’m a top.”

With a little laugh Kermit said, “it’s not always easy being green, but it sure is fun.”

Snape picked up Kermit and balanced him right on his wood, as he stooped down, and they kissed. It was quite strange, as Kermit’s tongue was just a piece of coloured felt glued to the inside of his mouth, but he felt something deep within him roaring for release none the less. “Are you ready for this?” Snape asked Kermit, who looked up at him with a twinkle in his plastic eye and nodded.

With this consent, Snape threw Kermit to the ground who landed and made an anime girl grunt. “Arch your back for daddy now Kermit,” Snape said in a voice positively dripping with grease and authority. As Kermit did as he was told, Snape saw his soft felt hole exposed to him, “Good boy,” Snape grunted, “now hold still.” Snape pointed his wand at him and said “Incarcerous.” Ropes shot from the tip of his wand and tied Kermit in place, face down, ass up.

“Tighter daddy snape,” Kermit said in his soft deep voice, “I want my piggy to be jealous of my bruises!”

“Oh a cop fucker are you Kermit. Dear Dear, you will have to be punished for that.” Kermit opened his mouth to explain his girlfriend is a literal pig, but before he could Snape shouted, “Silencio!” After which Kermit lost all ability to speak. “Now dear Kermit, get ready, my grand entrance is coming.”

Snape knelt down behind Kermit’s soft felt puppet whole, which was was still exposed to the night air. He lined his meat wand up and touched it against Kermit’s entrance, teasing Kermit by making him wait. In one swift fluid motion Snape pushed himself all the way into Kermit’s soft velvety hole. He was in ecstasy, and Kermit was groaning like a frog fucking in the night.

Suddenly Snape could not control himself anymore, shuddering with pleasure inside of Kermit he screamed, “EJACULATUS,” and a stream of Snape’s own human tadpoles shot out of the end of his meat wand and into Kermit. 

Kermit regained his voice after Snape’s orgasm, “Dude what the fuck that was like one thrust…”  
Snape was still shuddering with pleasure as he stammered “yeah… no… yeah… I … uhh… doesn’t usually… not normally….”

Kermit was not having it however, “whatever man, just untie me and lose my number.” Snape untied Kermit and he walked away, Snape’s greasy seed dripping from between his legs and leaving a trail behind him.

Snape waved his wand again and his clothes reappeared on his body, as he remembered with a smile, his first time under this very tree, with James, and how it went just like this. 

The end.


End file.
